next phase

started today-I'm just not sure what to call it - I have forgotten how many stages Collin has been through - it has been a bit muddled as we started to taper his medications off and then in fear of rejection came back up in dosage trying to buy time to get his body to accept the transplant. It would maybe go something like - phase 1 - diagnosis (unreal), phase 2 - sick and searching for treatment options (scary), phase 3 - bone marrow match preparation (grateful for a miracle), phase 4 - transplant (hopeful), phase 5 - engraftment (anxious), phase 6 - number climb (relief), phase 7-low chimerism (fearful) -- so I guess that puts us at phase 8 -taper--we just won't know the feelings for this phase until we are on the next one.

It is official that we will start to taper Collin off of the anti-rejection medicine. The doctors feel that we have given him all of the time that would make a difference and it is time to see what his body will do. We now watch carefully (again) for graft versus host disease or for rejection. We hope to see neither but only time will tell.

Today's visit to PCMC was good. Collin's numbers were not super high but a good showing. Not much movement in platelets at 112. HGB had moved to 11.0 which was solidly up. White blood cells were at 2.1 and ANC 1.1-both up from 2 weeks ago. Collin and I left very happy. I thought on the way home how much some of these numbers are statistically indifferent to the doctors but to a mother I grab at any sign that is encouraging, just hoping and praying that it means something. I thought of the some of the times I have left discouraged by numbers that were small adjustments concerned that a downturn was a precursor to worse. It is quite the emotional roller coaster. I also thought on the drive home how grateful I am for so many things -
Neighbors who in the spring helped in my yard without asking-
Neighbors and friends and family who have been diligent in keeping germs away from our home that has kept Collin from being hospitalized.
Anyone who takes a minute to ask how Collin is doing. It is nice that he is remembered.
Everyone who is still praying for him, especially his friends.
Older children that can be left with Kara during very long doctors visits.
Sister Jorgensen for her service in helping Collin finish second grade (he completed the work yesterday).
The priesthood power.
The prayers and fasting of so many that have helped Ken and I through all of this.
There are so many more things I am grateful for -thoughts that come and go like those all of the time- I'll try to list more as they come -

Phase 8 - ready or not :)